I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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