dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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