you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
