Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
