I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
