Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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