I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
