OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
