I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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