well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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