forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
