yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
