is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize