I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A+ Viking dick
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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