what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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