i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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