If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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