Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
