It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
