Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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