you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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