maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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