i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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