hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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