Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
