before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
