Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
