I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
