I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
