tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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