Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
