Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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