dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
