Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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