I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize