love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
