You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
