she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
