We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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