I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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