I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
