Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize