i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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