Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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