yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
