you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
