Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
