____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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