life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
