Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
