They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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