We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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