why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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