you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
