My nipple is on Facebook.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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