i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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