your room smells of hookers.
And success
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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