I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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