Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
