So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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