dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
