Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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