The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
