If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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