i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
