wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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