i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
