i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
