I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
