Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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