i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
