No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
