I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
