I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
