Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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