I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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