how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
