Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
