Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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