Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am one with the molecules
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
