I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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