So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
